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hotpotato |
03/15/05 |
hi expert, i would really like if you can go over this assignment for me. It's a persuasive letter. Below is the requirements and at the bottom is the what i wrote for the assignment. Can you help me make it better? thank you so so much!
Persuasion
Sales Letter: fitness at crown pizza. Assume you are Mike Forrest, a sales representative at fitness asociates Ltd. fitness associates sells fitness equipment and services to businesses. You need to write a letter that generates new sales, and crown pizza looks especially promising. through a friend, you've learned that crown pizza is striving to reduce health care bills by downsizing its employee insurance plan. however you hope to convince the company that
it would benefit from an on site fitness centre.
statistics canada reports that almost half of canadian adults are over weight or obese and deaths related to obesity cost the country
billions of dollars. employers and employees could save over 1000 dollars a year for each person's medical costs if overweight employees shed their excess weight. the workout programs of fitness associates (FA) can help employees to do
just that. with regular exercise at an on site fitness centre, employees lose weight and improve overall health. as employees health improves, absenteeism is reduced and overall
productivity increases. And employees like working out before or after work because it's convenient. they make the routine part of their workday, and they often have work buddies who share their fitness regimen.though many companies resist spending money to save money, fitness centres need not be large or expensive to be effective.
studies show that moderately sized centres coupled with motivational and training programs yield the greatest success. for just $30,000, fitness associates will provide exercise equipment, including stationary bikes, weight machines and
treadmills. their fitness experts will design a fitnes room set up the fitness equipment and design appropriate programs. best of all, the one time cost is usualy offset by cost savings within one year of centre installation. for additional fees FA can also provide fitness consultants for employee fitness asessments. FA specialists will also train employees on proper use of equipment and clean and manage the facility for an extra
charge or course.write a sales letter to ms kathleen stewart, vice president ,
human resources, crown pizza compnay, 4567 highway 7, brampton on l5j 2k2. ask for an appointment to meet with her. enclose a brochure detailing the products and services that fitness associates provides. As an incentive, offer free fitness
assessments for all employees if crown pizza installs a fitness facility by 1 may
My version:
Kathleen Stewart
Vice President of Human Resources
4567 Highway 7, Brampton ON
L5J 2K2
SUBJECT: Fitness at Crown Pizza
Dear Ms Stewart:
I am here to introduce a plan that will improve the productivity of your firm and help you keep your employees happy and save your company lots of money as well.
With greater benefit in health care, a company is more likely to sustain their valuable employees in achieving competitive advantage over those that do not. It has been shown in many studies that healthy and physically active employees are more happy and satisfied overall which leads to improved productivity.
Many studies conducted through Statistics Canada found that approximately half of Canadian adults are overweight or obese. Obesity is growing into an epidemic at an exponential rate. It is evident that deaths caused by obesity cost the country billions of dollars annually. The Fitness Associates will help you out with workout programs customized to the specific needs of your company and employees. By adapting the workout program into your company health care plan, you could save $100,000 a year in health care for each of your employees. This large sum of money could go towards more effective areas of the company such as more effective capital and machinery, more advanced training programs or towards opening more stores and franchises.
The workout program is tailored to fit the schedules of your busy employees. They can work out before or after work at their own convenience. Not only will the workout program help your employees, they can grow and bond to become a team by spending more time together and getting to know each other better. This would be a great benefit to the workplace.
It has been proved through research that a fitness centre does not need to be large and expensive in order to be effective. Moderately sized centres coupled with motivational and training programs were proved to be successful. Over 90% of companies across the country try to promote healthy work environments, and their employees meet the expectations of productivities with many satisfactions. For a wise investment of $30,000, Fitness Associates will provide you with exercise equipment (i.e. Stationary bikes, weight machines, treadmills, and etc.). As well, we will have our fitness experts design a fitness room, set-up the equipment, and design appropriate programs. FA can also provide you with fitness consultants for your employees’ fitness progressive assessments if you wish. As well, our FA specialists can also train your employees on proper use of equipment and clean and manage the facility.
In the past, our company was ranked as one of the top five low-cost and effective companies in the “Fitness Management Magazine” which provides fitness programs.
In addition, our previous service to Ajax Inc. not only helped them make their employees happy but also led to a significant increase in their company’s productivity which eventually lead to higher profits and more success for the firm.
This plan is definitely a wise investment that could end up saving your company millions of dollars in the long run!
If you are interested in this fitness plan, you can book an appointment with my secretary at 416-810-1999 ext. 1930. Enclosed is an informative brochure detailing the products and services FA provides. There is also a bonus offer we offer to the companies that adapt to this FA fitness plan by May 1st. We will provide free fitness assessments for all your employees. Please don’t hesitate to call me.
Sincerely,
Mike Forrest,
Sales Representative |
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