Clarification/Follow-up by tarot10 on 05/29/05 10:51 am:
There are people in the world that just cannot be parents. Just because they can make someone pregnant does not automaticly mean they will become your parent or that they want to be a parent or that they can be a parent. Some people never grow up. There are people who think that bringing a child into the world will make them grow up, but that is not always true.

It takes more to be someone's dad than a father.

Mamma's boys are known to not be able to parent their offsprings or to be someone's spouse. They are known for remaining children all of their lives.

I think for now both you and your mom need to use your energies into looking out for yourselves. Your mom needs to look into getting a court order so your dad can pay child support if he isn't already paying. The law is there to force irresponsibles to take some responsibility. If he denies that he is the biological father, the court can order him to take a DNA test. You might also qualify for welfare.

If your mom remarries someday, you can have a dad that way instead. There are also big brother programs where you can find someone who would like to be your dad.

At this time, I think it is best that your mom be clear that she cannot depend on your dad for your basic needs and that she will need to look for other means to care for herself and you. She needs to think about going to school or getting a job herself. She can get welfare and a grant and/or a loan to go to a trade school or a college so she can get better wages so you can live on your own.

Clarification/Follow-up by tarot10 on 05/30/05 5:43 am:
Just wanted to add that during the era when welfare was a big thing, it was common to see men abondon women and their children because men expected women to go on welfare and it was difficult to get child support because DNA testing did not exist among other reasons.

And I know a lot of these children who grew up to go to college, got good paying jobs, got married, had families of their own and have normal lives. These children learned early on in life that there were men who could not be counted on and learned to be choosy about who they married.

You are fortunate to have your mom who loves you and takes care of you. You and her will manage fine on your own. Many women have raised their children alone in the past. Financially, it was difficult but it helped put things in perspective and it motivates children to study and do well in school, and go to college so they can better themselves.

If being around your father makes you angry or upset, you might think about limiting your contact with him for now. When we are young, anger is an emotion that is experienced frequently because we can't control our own lives because we have to count on adults to take care of us. Also because we get dissapointed in seeing that there are people in the world who just don't seem to care about us including our own relatives. But just remember that that is not a reflection of you, some people are just not caring individuals by their own nature.

Take care and I am sure that things will work out for you and your mom. There are so many other resources out there that will help you and your mom.

If your mom is having health problems, she can apply for social security disability and she would also be allowed the option to hold a part time job (if she can handle it) that can supplement her social security income and she might still qualify to get welfare for you.

Please continue to post here as there are always people here who can help you in so many different ways.

Take care.