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| they say i am lucky |
darkstar |
05/26/04 |
this is a poem i wrote when my precious little girl sadie died unexpectedly
They say i am lucky
they say i am lucky to be having twins
i bury my face in my hands and i cry!
i know what i am in for
for i am myself an identical twin!
as the hours pass by quickly i begin to feel
I Am very lucky to be having twins!
I am so excited, so happy, so joyous
I feel so special to be having twins
soon i am big with two babies inside
my body is ready but my babies are not
I go to the hospital to spend two months
hooked up to drugs to quiet things down
They say i am lucky to be where i am
my babies have a good chance to survive i am told
My arms are sore and my body aches
I do feel so lucky to be the mother of twins
The day soon comes when the drugs do no good
My daughters are born as sweet as can be
They are so beautiful and precious to me
So individual yet as identical as can be
They say i am lucky to have my twins
So perfect, so healthy, so [precious to me!
I am so exhausted, its hard to tell
am i so lucky to have had twins?
I love them so much...there aren't words to tell
My joy is more than double the load!
And then one morning as i roll over in bed
i notice it light and dash out of bed
I run for the crib thinking someone is dead
But there are my girls as sweet as can be
Abbie is awake and Sadie is asleep
I reach for Abbie when Anna says
"But mommy doesn't Sadie look white to you?"
Dear God i cry..."she must be dead!"
This just can't be
she looks so perfect, so beautiful, so precious to me!
My hopes raise high as she makes a noise
But later i learn she is gone for good
This is NOT the way it should be.
They say i am lucky to still have Abbie
I feel they are CRAZY! MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD!!!
My heart is broken
My joy is destroyed
My anguish is great
My suffering deep
Abbies twin is gone
She will never know
The closseness she felt from being a twin
As the months go by I feel so alone
No one understands how i feel so alone
I get tired of hearing over and over
How i am so lucky...I am so lucky
Abbie is lonely and crys all the time
She misses her sister and doesn't understand
As i gaze over at herso alone and unnatural
I feel so hurt and think
This is not the way it should be
I am constantly reminded of what i have lost!!!
And now as i ponder and feel in my heart
Yes I am so lucky to have had twins
I loved every moment and as life goes on
I feel very lucky...I still have Abbie
She is indeed a constant reminder of all that i have lost
But as i ponder and feel in my heart
She is also a reminder of what i once had
She is indeed a blessing and a joy
It is through her that i shall always see
Alittle of her sister who was once by her side
Yes she is a joy and a blesseingindeed
Abbie and Sadie....they are still my twins,
Now one is in heaven and one here with me
Yes i am so lucky to have had twins.
In loving memory of Sadie 11/11/87 1/27/88 |
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