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| Neologisms and other humor |
ETWolverine |
11/21/06 |
The new business vocabulary:
404: Someone who is clueless. From the World Wide Web error message Ěš Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located. Example: "Don't bother asking him, he's 404, man."
Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decdisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrellevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. You will all be measured on this at some point in your career.
blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. This one will be particularly valuable to those of you who have projects going right now.
chainsaw consultant: An outside expert bought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
clm: Short lingo for "career limiting move". Used among miroserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while she is within earshot is a serious clm. (Related to clb, "career limiting behavior")
dilberted: to be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. Example: "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
flight risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
ohnosecond: The infinitesimal amount of time it takes to realize that you've just made a big mistake. (See also clm.)
percussive maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it working again. (Sometime use on people as well.)
salmon day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to die in the end. We've had these before--- and will again.
seagull manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops all over everything then leaves. Another word for consultant.
The Lost Balloonist
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says,"Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 41 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going to. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
And here are some funny signs:
On an electricians truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On a Maternity Room door: Push. Push. Push.
At an Optometrists Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At a road-side rest stop: Eat here, get gas.
Enjoy your day.
Elliot |
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