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Laura asked on 05/03/04 - Could she have been emotionally attached to pull ups? Our son recently got custody of his two children. They were emotionally abused over the last several months. Both are in counceling for this. Since our granddaughter has been here she has had great strides in her potty training efforts. You see, she is five years old and no one potty trained her. They kept saying she had a medical problem. Even dispite tests and doctors saying there were none. They had her on a medication called mirilax which caused her to constatly have small movements. This made if nearly impossible to train her. We changed her diet and cut back alittle on milk and cheese products and increased fruits and vegatables. At first she wouldn't go near the toilet. She went for days without going poop because while she liked having big girl panties on she won't poop in them (thank goodness) but she wouldn't poop in the potty either. We noticed that as soon as we put a pull up on her she went poop. Sooo we decided to try something. We lined the potty chair with a pull up and told her that she could go in the pull up as long as it was in the potty.. It worked!! Then we conveniently ran out of pull ups a couple of times and she went in the potty without them. Now we have graduated to the big potty and she is doing great. And all in the span of two weeks. She has regular movements and she no longer has any fear of the toilet. What in the world was so hard about that!!! I am anxious to ask her mother and other grandma what the big deal was, but I will bite my tongue.. Don't want to cause trouble. I just wanted to post this because I am so proud of her. She is a little trooper and she is doing so well. Thanks for listening. Laura AliMcJ answered on 05/04/04: No, just used to them. Perhaps while she was being abused, she was reprimanded for pooping not in her pull-ups and so there was a deeper "attachment" (albeit a negatively reinforced one) to them. Maybe something happened to her in an earlier attempt to switch to big girl pants (so she didn't poop in them) and a big scene was made over something like, "Well, if you're going to just go poop like that, you'll have to do it in the pull-ups," which translated to "You can't poop anywhere but in pull-ups" in her confused child's mind. Sounds like she was trying to do the right thing as she understood it. You've done exactly the right thing. "Training" is "training" whether it be kitties, puppies, or children ... step by step, they are gently shown the way and praised. Bless you all. Laura rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 03/24/04 - wife hello alli I have been sort of involved with a married man for a long time, but I didn't know it. What do I tell the wife? I am totally against people who cheat on their mates and I have felt anger towards him for getting me involved in a situation that is totally unhealthy for me. I feel very emotionally involved with him and so that causes me a lot of confusion as to whether to get angry and tell her everything or to just say that we are only platonic friends. I did send him e-mail and left messages on his cell phone telling him to not stop by my place anymore or contact me, but last night my phone rang and I'm sure it was him...maybe even his wife. AliMcJ answered on 04/29/04: You have done the right thing so far. I don't know that telling the wife would do any good for anyone. I'm a little confused as to how you have been involved with a married man for a long time but didn't know it, yet you know his wife well enough to "tell her everything or to just say that we are only platonic friends." You have broken it off with him as soon as you found out he was married. Hold fast to your position. If he does call and you answer, just say, "I'm sorry. I asked you not to contact me again, and I meant it. I do not want to be a third party in your marriage," and get off the phone as quickly as possible, as he was able to fool you all this time: he can keep doing it. Don't have anything to do with a man who will cheat on his wife. It's a no-win situation. Good for you! You did the right thing. You don't need to call his wife. I know it's hard to do, but just shut that door behind you, on him and anything to do with him. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 02/27/04 - unexplained dream hi, had this long dream which i remembered so vividly upon waking up. i dreamed that i boarded a public bus only for it to change into a company-owned coaster with john, my officemate, as the driver. the coaster is very nice and fast. however, we had to use another route since the road was blocked due to a military operation. we had to make a sudden right turn down a long flight of wide cemented stairs in the middle of a plaza. we ended in a provincial resort near the sea. it was dusk and i wanted to take a walk. my lady boss offered to go with me and also to give me a lift but i refused. i walked alone down the unpaved road. when i noticed that it was getting dark i returned. i saw my friends playing a game which was a bit dangerous since there were dogs involved. i saw a medium-sized brown dog which was so fat and seemed to be lazy. but they warned me that the dog's mild demeanor was deceiving. there was also a small black dog. i tried to stay away from the dogs because i'm afraid of them. then i went to the dining room and saw my husband sitted at the head of the table. a female acquaintance was on his left and john was on his right. i sat beside john even though the seat in front of me was also vacant. john placed his arm on my shoulder and asked me if my husband doesn't get jealous. i told him no. but it turned out that my husband was indeed very jealous of john. i wondered why since john was 15 years my junior. when i told john about it, he mentioned that he didnt know that i'm happily married. he thought i was separated. he was so pissed off and he told me that he will quit his job the following day and will work at a wet market instead. i was surprised to find out that he has feelings for me. can you tell me what that dream means? thanks so much. precious AliMcJ answered on 02/28/04: It sounds like you might have some wish feelings toward your co-worker John or that even perhaps you feel somewhat guilty about having a good work relationship with him that is different from the one you have with your husband -- that you feel John perhaps understands you better as you work well together? -- but you have not admitted it to yourself (symbolized by John's not knowing you were happily married) because to you it would seem a disloyalty to your husband. I'm not sure whether either of these scenarios have meaning for you. In the case of your possibly having wish feelings toward him, as you work well together and you wish you and your husband had the same kind of understanding, the dogs could be warning you of the danger in pursuing such a relationship or the danger in thinking that the grass was greener with John. The military block is probably just something coming in from our daily lives -- the danger we all feel since 11 September 2001 and the military presence in the news. Anonymous rated this answer

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seefar asked on 12/12/02 - puzzled There is an expert here who asks herself questions. Why would someone be so desperate to do something like that? It is so obvious because I saw her ask a psychic the same question at another website. And she signs her name the same way and with the same spaces. I've asked her a question before, but she harassed me about the bad rating which was caused by a bug in the software. I refuse to ask her anymore questions. I also noticed that she goes around giving experts low ratings. I have yet to see her give anyone 5 stars. Why are some people so desperate for a few stars? AliMcJ answered on 12/20/02: How can a person be asking herself questions? Even if she is, it's o.k.: it livens up the site. I haven't seen anything like this, so I don't know what you mean. What board is it on? Ohhhh -- I think I know. I'll go look around. You might want to post your question to the users forum: the webmasters here do an excellent job of keeping things straight! seefar rated this answer

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jpollardsmith asked on 11/05/02 - Childhood torture recovery Hi, I was wondering if there are psychologists and journals concerning adult recovery from childhood torture? Thanks, john AliMcJ answered on 11/11/02: I see someone recommended "A Child Called 'It'," which had come to mind when I first read your post. I thought of another, which a friend who had been abused gave to me to read -- she'd read it in a Child Development or Psych class and was awed and warmed by it, but I couldn't remember the name. Since I just made an interstate move, things are still topsy-turvy, but what should turn up but the book I had thought of and didn't remember the name of. Here it is -- like magic for you: One Child, by Torey L. Hayden (isbn 0380542625) -- you can probably find it on half.com for very little. jpollardsmith rated this answer