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Anonymous asked on 11/19/07 - One sided support Hi, I have a friend that has had many problems that I have always been there for and she has always commented on how thoughtful I am. However, whenever I have major problems to face, she never seems to inquire how I am doing or ask how things are. I've known her for years and I hate that our friendship is so one-sided with me doing all the giving and emotional support. She has been a good friend in other ways, but I resent that she isn't caring when something faces me. What do you think is the best way to handle this? Thanks. keenu answered on 11/20/07: WEll, usually the best thing is to just ask her - just as you asked us. Plain and simple. Tell her how you feel. But you might want to consider the fact that people are different and that there are givers and takers. Givers enable the takers to take and the takers enable the givers to give. You can't expect your friend to behave as you do, she is not you. Love your friend for who she is. We don't love for what we receive, we love because we love. Anonymous rated this answer

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robsbabygirl09 asked on 06/04/07 - how do i deal with this? ok well i have a bf and ive grown to like him alot and all of a sudden a guy whom i liked for a long time,out of the blue asked me out and told me he has liked me for a long time as well, see we dont live near each other no longer but im going down to visit family this summer and afraid i might end up cheating on my boyfriend if i dont stop this now, i mean its bringing old feelings back so i dont know what to do. HELP!! what should i do? keenu answered on 06/14/07: Do whatever you feel like doing. There are really no rules but the ones you make and believe that you have to abide by.

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Anonymous asked on 05/09/07 - My girlfriend still loves her ex? WHAT TO DO? Ok this is funny. (well not really, its more pitiful than comical) I am supposed to be training to become a dating coach as a summer internship, but my area of expertise is helping men getting women, not keeping them. About a month ago, a girl came to me saying that she was having a bad argument with her boyfriend, and she thought the only person to talk to was me. We met at a club, and I made her happy like never before, we danced then made out. Then she decided to be with me. I used my skills which qualified be to become a future-dating coach in terms of attracting her, that was no-sweat really. But after a few days, she realized she can't let go of her ex-boyfriend. Then a few weeks on and they officially brokeup, all of a sudden I realize that she's not just an average girl. I really love her. We shared some unbelievable times together. However, she says she needs time to forget about him. I definitely want to give her time to think this through but then all of a sudden she says that its killing her how she loves two guys at once and yet she tells her closest and dearest friend that she has picked me to be her One. This is driving me nuts as you can understand. Sure I can give her time, but even though this isn't my expertise which is why I need desperate help, even I know from watching my friends' experiences that if she is unable to make the determination to detach herself from the previous relationship, then she is never going to end up using all that time I give her. How long more should I wait? What can I tell her? (I don't want to force her to completely forget him, it just doesnt work like that and I don't wanna advise her anything in a way that it makes it seem that I want her quickly) However, patience is hard and my best friend tells me that they are surprised my patience. But love controls the patience. I love her so much that we brokeup in between, but I realized I can't let her go and she cried and we got back together. Just an hour ago I've suggested her to search online for answers, as I am doing right now but that's about it I can tell her. No I am not going to let her go, I thought I could do it and given the fact that I can attract other women easily, I've tried letting her go already. But come on I believe in my girlfriend what fool is going to give up right now?! keenu answered on 05/10/07: What, you're going to force her to be with you and force her to forget about him? Think about what you are saying. There is nothing you can actually do. Any other type of behavior is not healthy behavior. I think you are just seeing this as a challenge and not a real situation. You cannot force someone to be with you no matter how hard you try. What kind of feelings would a person have for you in a situation like this? Do you think it would be feelings of love? I don't think so. And you don't sound like you love her rather you sound like you want to possess her.

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Anonymous asked on 10/26/06 - INTELLECTUALS INTIMIDATE ME HI, ANY ADVICE ON THIS. WHENEVER, I AM AROUND EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE WHO CAN REMEMBER FACTS AND DETAILS THAT I CAN'T, I FEEL TOTALLY DUMB EVEN THOUGH OTHERS REGARD ME AS INTELLIGENT. I CAN'T REMEMBER LONG AGO EVENTS AND AM TERRIBLE FOR REMEMBERING NAMES AND HISTORICAL FACTS. I REALLY FEEL INADEQUATE IN THEIR PRESENCE AND FEEL THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER IN A CONVERSATION WITH THEM WHEN I LACK THE RECALL THEY HAVE. DO OTHERS FEEL THIS WAY OR IS IT JUST ME? I AM NOT ON THEIR LEVEL OF IQ AND I ALMOST HATE BEING AROUND THEM BECAUSE OF THE WAY THEY MAKE ME FEEL. THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE I RELATE FINE TOO, BUT THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE ON THE NEAR GENIUS/GENIUS LEVEL BLOW MY MIND. ANY ADVICE ON HOW I AM KEEP FROM FEELING INADEQUATE IN THEIR PRESENCE. THANKS. keenu answered on 03/22/07: They don't MAKE you feel any way. You make yourself feel inadequate. You choose to see these people as superior and choose to feel inferior. Change your beliefs about yourself and about other people. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 09/14/06 - Bossy People I have a number of friends who think they can boss me around. I think many of them misinterpet me to be passive because I don't step or boss others and am generally friendly and pleasant. I respect others boundaries as well as my own. However, when someone starts to step on me and move into my territory, they almost seem surprised to see that I will aggress and are almost shocked. Why do bossy people gravitate to me as a friend, I can be quiet and to myself at certain times, but I am in no way passive? When I get angry, I can really speak my mind. I hate to be bossed and bossy people always seem to find me. I see these same bossy people boss others and the others won't tell them to their face how bossy they are, but I can. Thanks. keenu answered on 09/14/06: Talkers attract listeners, givers attract takers, and vice Versa. I think people usually tend to be attracted to people who have what they lack or need or who will compliment them. The bossy people may be attracted to you because you REACT to their bossiness. There is some kind of relationship there that they need and that you need. Otherwise you wouldn't be attracting them to you and they wouldn't be attracted to you. Another thing to think about is the fact that very often we dislike in others the traits that we have in common. Why to you think you attract bossy people? What are you learning from that? Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 09/10/06 - Girl that doesn't talk no more Hey well I hooked up with this girl at a camp in another country, and i found out she lived where i was, so that was why we kind of got together. But when we went back to the place, we called each other in the beginning quite a lot, but in the end nothing happened and we only met each other for one hour in the 2 weeks since camp was over. She always called me at first and I really liked that, so I didnt call her that much. Then after a while she stopped and I started to make the calls, but she was always busy or with her friends so it wasnt really a proper chat. She's always busy which kind of annoys me because I know if she tried harder, we could have seen each other more. I'm not so sure what to do next because I still kind of have feelings for more, but I moved to the other side of the world recently and won't be back there until winter so that means we definitely cant see each other or call. I tried the other day to talk to her on MSN and in the end she said she didn't feel like talking so that was that. She doesnt even make the first move anymore, which bothers me because I loved it when she always did it cause it showed she was into me. Ive been making too many first moves recently and i don't know what to do now. I'm thinking of giving it one last shot before moving on, but I don't know what to say (and i can only do this over MSN Messenger). To be truthful, we've never really talked about our relationship so maybe I might want to mention that in the last chat I'm gona have with her. But since I just had a dead chat convo with her like two days ago, I don't want to make myself look desperate to talk to her which is the dilemma. Shes always appears "busy" on MSN, so I actually dont know if shes at the comp, outside(which she is most of the time) or actually busy. Any suggestions? keenu answered on 09/10/06: It's over. O.V.E.R. Get the hint. Move on. She's just not that into you. There is no "relationship". Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 08/22/06 - Friendship Dilemma I really don't know how to handle this? I have a few friends that initially sought out my friendship. If I was left to choose whether I would have chosen them, I probably would not. They have a number of faults that at times I have an extremely difficult time with. On the other hand, they also have been extremely loyal and would be there for me if I needed them. On the other hand, I have chosen friends that I sought out that I have to say were fairweather and not extremely loyal if I had problems. I like the fact that these current friends are loyal, but in other ways they drive me absolutely nuts. Sometimes, I even dread getting together with them because many of their values and thoughts are so different from mine. Sometimes, I think I am extremely particular and wonder if I expect too much from friends. One of my very dear friends who I sought out and liked immensely, faults and all, was killed tragically in an accident. I feel so bad about that and am still grieving. Any thoughts...Thanks. keenu answered on 08/22/06: My best and (still) friends are the ones who came to me. Yes, I might not have chosen them for myself but I always felt like they needed me and that felt right. What a gift. Keep your friend in your thoughts and he/she will always be right there by your side. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 08/17/06 - Married men who act like their Spouse is Second Best What do you think of a married man who tells a former girlfriend that she was his favorite when he runs into her and then acts like he just settled for his current spouse? Also, what do you think of a guy who is getting married the next day and calls a previous girlfriend the night before and tells her if you marry me, I won't go through with my marriage to the other person? Are these men players and cheats? I can't honestly think that if someone really loved their current wife or married for the right reason that they would say such things. Thanks. keenu answered on 08/20/06: I think he's looking for closure. That final NO from a previous possibility. Maybe he does think that he would still rather marry his previous girl but when it's all said and done all he needs is not to have that possibility any more. He couldn't live thinking that it just MIGHT have happened. Now he can get past that. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 06/15/06 - Getting a girl that belongs to Hi experts, I was recently referred here and I've heard from others that you guys've worked wonders in their realtionship lives, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Well, I commemorate you guys on this and it's great that you're helping people out, guys like me who need advice badly. In addition, thanks for taking time to read this bloody long letter. Alright I'll get to the question. I've never really had serious feelings for girls and have always played around, but all that changed instantly when I met this girl. I knew this girl was the oh-so- "Special One", and she's every reason why it's worth it to spend all my energy on. Not only is she a 10, she just drives you crazy and make you want to be with her badly, not just for plain stupid sexual reasons. Ok, now this is where it gets all complicated and really messed up. She already has a long-distance boyfriend, and they've been going out for 4 years. In between, they've broken up once but a few months on they got back together. Their relationship is sometimes hot, sometimes cold. And at this moment of time, she seems to be very much in love with him as her messenger nickname even has "i love (bf's name)" in it. But, the thing is that she has complained to me before how she wishes her bf treated her better, and she does have arguments with him from time and time again. She has also said that it's very difficult to escape from her bf. Usually, I would never want to break apart a happy couple. However, this clearly isn't a happy couple, as they're longdistance and as well as that her bf isn't treating her right. Besides, this girl is one of those that takes years to find, and you don't get chicks like her often (believe me, I've seen enough to make this type of statement). I don't feel morally guilty at all, especially since some guys even think I have a bit too much of a morals compared to most guys on the site. So when I'm going after this girl with a bf and I don't even feel guilty at all, I think you get the catch. Well I have a sort of an unusual relationship with her. I mean, we talk to each other quite a lot and she really enjoys talking to me. Are we in the Friends Zone? Nope I highly doubt it, I mean, there are characteristics where it seems like we're friends, and sometimes we do talk to one another as if we're friends. However, coming to think about it, friends dont give an unusual amount and type of kino. Friends dont go around wrapping their arms over one another and getting really intimately close. Friends don't hangout alone all the time 1 on 1, and friends definitely don't go to some offshore island to go biking, horseback riding and watching sunsets ALONE. Seriously, even close friends just don't do that, it's different. She likes calling me this really cute nickname and I created a cute nickname as well, and we always refer to one another as those names. I don't think even close friends do that. Believe me, I actually have really close friends that are girls and we don't go around creating cute nicknames and go watch sunsets hugging each other. And oh, I try to stop talking to her for a few days and then she misses me like crazy. I do that on and off and I think it has been helping in building up this attraction and this tension. I'm planning to tease her with some kino such as holding her hand and then letting go, inviting her to want more. But all this kino stuff I feel can merely add tension, but not change the situation. I know this is not going to be an overnight process, but I also feel simply kino isn't going to be enough. It'll take a hell lot more to get her to change her mind. One thing though is that she mentions about her bf time and time again, and only recently she has been doing this. I guess there could be two reasons: 1 is that we've gotten much closer and 2 is that their turbulent relationship right now is at a rosy stage, which is a complete disadvantage for me at the moment. I hate it when she talks about her bf, and it's understandable and it really doesn't please me seeing her messenger nickname with her saying that she loves her bf. Well, the next time she talks about her bf, I'm planning to say this: "You know what? you deserve a much better guy than can treat you right and better" and then after a few secs... "Ok can you not mention about your bf anymore. From now on whenever we're together, it's only US and nobody else" What do you personally think of those two lines? In my own opinion, I think it's pretty wise to say them but I'm a bit scared it might get a bit too obvious, although her attraction to me is pretty damn obvious as well. When we were at the harbor watching sunsets, all these ladies came up and told us what a cute couple we were. I was thinking in my head, yeah we'd definitely be a cute couple if only this girl was mine. What do you suppose her reaction would be when I say those lines? Deep down, I really question exactly how much she likes him. It's more like, she has this attachment towards him and can't really let go, maybe insecure I don't know. She's also a bit lost at times in their relationship. Well here's the thing. We've got a whole day reserved for ourselves and that's where we planned to go to an offshore island and do a bunch of activities. And we're doing this alone. This is my big chance to do something big with her and I'm going to make full use of this opportunity. I'm definitely going to increase my kino, and I'm also going to make the convos sound more like a bf-gf convo than actually a friendly convo, even though I'm not going to be blatantly obvious in the convos like.."Oh I want you". That's pathetic. I'm also going to apply the observe-learn-initiate techniques and I'm already getting my way there being an alpha-male. but I still need a lot more help in actually getting her away from her bf, taking her thoughts off her bf and get her to realize what a dick her bf has been. I don't want to be evil or spoil anything but as soon as she looses her feelings for her bf, then there can only be one inevitable outcome, and that is her getting a real guy that can treat her right. This date is my big chance to do something productive and I need to have the best things going if I were to land some good results. The thing is, I may have to rush it a little bit because I'll be away for all my summer, and yet she has forced me to call her at least 3 times a week when I'm away and keep her entertained when she's having sleepless nights and having "close" talks. Not exactly what a friend would make you do. In fact, next year when i'm going to be gone for university, she has even asked me where I want to go, and she even wants to move where I want to go. She actually told me that she doesn't want her bf to find out about how she actually wants to move to the city where I'm planning to go, which puzzles me even more about what exactly is my relationship with her. And that's DEFINITELY not what a friend would do. I really don't know what she's trying to lead me on to. She told me that she doesn't want to miss me anymore because she says that she wants to see me all the time (but obviously that would spoil the fun and I actually want her to miss me, but just for a week or so, not for one crazy long year). My main concern is how to get her away from her bf and actually realize that a guy can actually treat his girl like a queen, not like a "dog", and I quote that from her as she told me how sometimes she feels like she's being treated like a dog. But damn it's gona be hard she's still got feelings for him and I know it's not an easy task. Yet, a blind fool can tell she's got some feelings for me so I'm hoping to exploit and work on that. I never thought of the day I would get serious with girls, and when I did decide to get serious, I had a long think over it. I don't want to go serious for sexual purposes, and this time I actually genuinely believe that it's what I can do for her, not what I want. Haha sorry if this sounds hard to believe but if it's what I want, then I really don't see the need to get serious with her and I could simply play on with different girls. I am sorry this has been such a crazy long read but then yes I've spent a lot of time writing this up and hoping there's enough information for you to make a reply on. But I really feel this is worth my time and I think that I've got some hope in attracting her even deeper cause I know she's somewhat attracted already. If I felt it was hopeless, I wouldn't have written this much =) Well thanks and do you think it's possible if I ask followup questions just incase you ask for clarifications. It's really late right now so my brain isn't functioning normally so I'm not sure what details I've left out. Good night and thanks for taking the time to read this! Yours, JohnSon keenu answered on 06/18/06: All the explanations are just fluff. What it boils down to is the fact that it is YOUR life and you should do what you desire to do in YOUR life. Period. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 05/25/06 - What to do with a husband who denies his behavior? Hi, My husband has nagging compulsive behavior that I address with him that is hurting me. As many times as I tell him to stop it, he denies that he is doing it, and continues to do it. I find this quite disrespectful of me. I am a responsible adult, both at home at and at work. His nagging is ungrounded and not based on anything I have done, but is a reflection of what others do in his working life. He also acts pessimistic and does a number of other behaviors that I know are reality and are destructive to himself and me. This has become worse because he works with a brother who demeans him. Years ago he was cheerful because he was around a positive environment when working in the family business with his dad. His brother took over the business and is critical of every move everyone makes. He denies my perceptions of his pessimism and every other negative behavior and continues to tell me what he does isn't bad and that I am the one that lays into him. I am an optimistic individual and am tired of dealing with this. It is unfair to have my perceptions denied. I know that my perceptions and feeling are not inaccurate, because at work and with my friends whenever I express my perceptions they are recognized as being true. I don't know what to do with someone who cannot admit to his behavior. I've been married to him for years, this has gotten worse, and frankly I am tired of the denying. Without admittance of anything, there can not be any resolution. I feel that the only resolution will come when I leave. Any suggestions. Also, he doesn't believe he needs therapy. Thanks. keenu answered on 05/25/06: You put full blame on him. This can't be true. I will validate your feelings and your perceptions but it takes two and you know it. You are probably the enabler. You need to regain your equal footing or take control for a while. His behaviour (I am curious as to what it is that he actually does)needs to be nipped in the bud. No talking just action. Tell him to stop it when he does the undesired action and that's it. Avoid talking about it. Look at it like training a dog. Just tell him to stop. You are the only one here who can control YOUR actions so you will have to NOT react to whatever it is that he is doing that you don't like. You will have to learn how not to let these things affect you. Then you can concentrate on getting him to stop doing what he is doing. If he can't push your buttons anymore he will stop. But, beware, he will probably start acting out in other ways and you will have to nip that right away, also. I do recommend reading Men Are From Mars Women are From Venus as this book is really great for communication and understanding each other. Really. Go get a copy now. The most important thing to remember is that people will only treat you badly if you ALLOW it. Don't be an enabler. Be in control It is your life and you create your own reality. No one else can. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 11/30/05 - Your Insight? Thanks for reading this. To keep this complicated story simple, I wll leave out some perhaps key details. I have been dating a guy named Jake for 2 months. I am 24, he is 10 years older. We had mutual friends about 5 years ago, that's how we met, but lost touch. Once he was around again, I started having some interest in him as a boyfriend. I told him, he seemed to like the idea, and things went from there. It started with him asking me to stay over at his house a lot, we would have long talks, watch tv, etc. At this point we had kissed like maybe once (keep in mind for the story). But I am a very shy person, so I suppose I haven't opened up fully to him, and I have told him this. The first 4 nights or so I stayed there, we would go to bed, sit up talking for hours. I felt pretty close to him and I enjoyed hearing his thoughts. He explained past relationsips he had, including his marriage. (He has been divorced almost 2 yrs, and has dated others since then). But coming from a society where most people have sex sooner than later, or at least cuddle or fool around, I started to get a little frustrated that we hadn't done anything sexual, yet he had me stay over a lot. I asked him about it, this was like the 4th night maybe, and he tells me that he has slept with girls and then realized they weren't his type and he didn't want to do that anymore. He says he would rather form a mental connection with me first, and that sexual things would in other words follow suit. He also said lately he hadn't even had a sex drive. Although I know that sounds like a crock, I gave him the benifit of the doubt. I figured that even though I wasn't used to a guy treating me this way, maybe there was some point to it. So maybe a week later, we had sex, and then again about a week later. But that has been it! Two months and that's all we have done. We have cuddled, kissed sometimes, but not like normal people who like one another. And it is really starting to get to me. I feel like a sleepover buddy! About 2 weeks ago, I met him at a bar with some friends and noticed a hickey on his neck. Of course I got jealous but I kept my cool. Then there was this girl talking to him all night, and he was acting like he was in a bad mood in general. He approaches me, tells me that the hickey was an innocent thing that happened at this bar the night before. He claims he was dancing with a girl and she bit his neck. I don't believe that's all, but I'm not going to beat a dead horse. Come to find out it's from the girl that's talking to him all night. He know's I know this but continues to talk to her, get her number, etc. Really, he was never like this before, never gave me a reason to not trust him, so this was just a 360 to me. Yet she is drunk and hanging on him all night, obviously wants him! He tells me that he is just making friends, and sometimes they will be girls (which is not an issue.)Mind you, he also says he is not sorry because he didn't do anything with her or anything wrong, I'm the only one he is with, and if he wanted to sleep with someone else he would tell me. Ok so even though it is not in my character to allow things like this to go on, I decided that I really want this to work and would let it slide this time only. Later that night at his house, sort of drunk, we both discussed it, and one thing he mentioned was that he can tell I want a standard relationship. I have been going with the flow, because believe me he is weird and not normal in this thinking, so I never expected anything normal. So this was a way for him to say he doest't want a standard scenario. But then he also goes on to explain he likes me a lot, isn't with anyone else, has self control, etc. Anyway, things have continued, but now they are worse than ever. Ever since that girl incident, he has been distant, I've been the one calling to talk to him or hang out, and things just feel bad. I am guessing that my small jealousy made him realize what was happening between us, and maybe that did scare him away.I stayed over there once last week and we had fun. But he hasn't been asking me to come over, even though normally I would of like 3 or 4 nights a week. Then we hung out at a friends house on Monday and he barely spoke to me, it just made me feel so bad. I ended up leaving there pretty pissed just generally towards him and how he has been acting. Maybe I am mad with myself for even bothering. He does have a lot of stress in his life right now (we all do though)with his kid's mom and other issues. So I sort of attribute it to that, that maybe he just doesn't have the emotional energy to have a girlfriend right now. Whatever the case may be, he has yet to explain it to me, the person who deserves to know what's up. A small tidbit, a mutual friend of ours who he tells things to in confidence (who has told me some of it secretly) claims about a week ago he told her that he likes me a lot, but that he didn't think he would have such feelings for me so quick and he doesn't know if he is ready for it. (Others have told me this is a copout). Also he said he is between a rock and a hard place. This gave me a moment of relief because it sort of explains some things. But yet as open as he seems to be, it hurts that he hasn't told me. So I plan to ask him, but we haven't talked since I left my friend's house. He knows I was upset because they mentioned it once I left. My plan is to give him some space like he obviously wants, not call him till he calls me. Then we need to talk. But the more he does't call, the more I tell myself he doesn't care and is trying to push me away. My theory is, if you like someone, you will do anything to be with them (within reason). I have never liked someone and thought, hmmm, I am not wanting this. When you like someone, you like them! End of story, right? I just need some direction. I have feelings for the guy, I care a lot about him, but this relationship is lacking physical and now mental aspects, and I don't have hope it will ever change. Thanks so much for reading this. keenu answered on 12/04/05: Well, I am wondering if he is bisexual. He may be sleeping with other men and doesn't want you (or anybody else?) to know. It seems like he liked you a lot but the sex thing is pretty important where men are concerned and if you two aren't doing it then you can be sure that he is doing it with somebody else! Maybe it's just other women but something here doesn't jive. He's got some skeleton in his closet, I'd bet my money on it. Anonymous rated this answer

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Ccl471 asked on 11/23/05 - My Sister's Ex-boyfriend My sister and her ex-boyfriend(his name is Mike) have both agreed to stop talking to each other. She was the one broke up with him. He still wants to be with her. A few weeks ago I was at my sister's apartment. My sister stepped out for a bit, and while she was gone a call came in on her home phone and the caller id said private call. I did not know that meant a blocked number, so I answered. It was Mike. He asked to have my sister call him back. He said he really needed to talk to her. Sounded like he wanted to have a serious talk, hoping to get her to get back together with him. I told my sister about the call, and she said she would not call him back, because she was going by their agreement not to talk to each other anymore. She said in calling he was breaking that agreement. I live with my parents. I told a good friend of mine(Rob) yesterday I was thinking about hiring Mike to come to my home and do some handyman type work for me. I was hoping because Mike and I know each other he would not rip me off like a handyman I didn't know might do. Rob told me not to hire Mike because it might give him hope that he might be able to get back together with my sister again. But I don't understand -- my sister doesn't live with us anymore. Even if Mike did come to our house if I hired him, my sister wouldn't be there at the time. And I'm the one hiring him -- she's not the one doing the hiring. I just don't see how that would give him hope. My sister is not the one asking for his help, and she is not the one telling me to hire him -- it's completely my decision to hire him. So is Rob right, and if so, why? Many thanks, C.L. keenu answered on 11/27/05: Sounds like you are interested in Mike. Otherwise why all this? Ccl471 rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 08/11/05 - ended a 20yr friendship= conflict of interest to write to his mother Hi In the last couple of months I have decided to end a 20 year friendship with my childhood friend. The short story is that we have been friends for almost 20 years. When I left Italy I practically moved to another continent.I have been away from my home for nearly ten years and in this ten years I haven' had the chance to go back yet. I have kept in touch with most of my friends in Italy including my childhood friend. I wrote him often, sent him birthday cards, etc...but for nearly 8 years he never wrote to him, well, maybe at least twice in the span of the 8 years. Suddenly, he writes to me and I have been happy about that but recently I have been asking myself " he writes to me because he HAS to or because he wants to ( voluntarily)" and not to mentioned, I have began having some sort of feelings or him that I wanted to tell him about but then decided not to. All of this made me scared, I wasn' at ease with him at all- I was uncomfortable with the situation. I tried to explain things some of this things to him and he didn' understood me, he even blackmailed our friendship into telling him things ( even though i told him this things in a vague way but later i told him the whole situation in fully except that I was feeling something for him). Anyway,I have decided to end this friendship even though he was reliant to do so. In the letter that I received he seemed like he wanted to work out things, at lest change my mind about it and since then I haven' heard from him. It' been already 3 months. Sometimes I think that he didn' write to me because I would of wanted to go this way anyway or simply he doesn' care about me at all. I would like to know if it is a conflict of interest if I wrote to her mother (she lives in italy), not because I would be in a way still connected to this friend but to explain to her that she shouldn' be upset with me of the decision I have made to end my friendship with her son and that I haven' stopped thinking of him and that I still care for him very much. I don' want that when I go to Italy, she is ticked off at me because I still care about my friend very much. I would like this letter to be a heart to heart between me and her. Please let me know what you think. Thanks unhappy girl keenu answered on 08/11/05: If he didn't write to you but twice in 8 years I would say that there is nothing much left "to end". You are living a new life in another country now. I would just let it go. Why do you even want to write his mother? What does it matter? You can still care but I wouldn't waste my time, if I were you, on trying to contact his mom or him for that matter. Anonymous rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 04/08/05 - Attracting Girls How can I attract girls better? Ok I can't use money to attract them because I dont have much and I want the girl to actually like me for who I am. What can I do to attract girls? I'm not the best looking but they are decent enough, but I seem to be hanging with people with similiar problems. It's sad though cause I'm quite atheletic and all that but I can't seem to attract girls. Give me some tips but please answer up follow-up questions cause I'm sure I will follow-up. keenu answered on 04/09/05: Be yourself and be honest. Girls love a guy who will talk but better yet they love a guy who will listen to them. Not just listen, but INTERACT. Girls love a guy who will go shopping with them, who will not flee from the undies section! Laugh! Doesn't matter what you look like. Have confidence in yourself. You must be sending out signals or not following through with girls who are attracted to you. You have to stop and notice when a girl is interested. Then start paying attention to her. Don't be too shy or it will fizzle. Get brave. Get bold. Ask her to do something with you. Go for coffee, a walk, shop, whatever. Don't bemoan the fact that you can't attract girls to her or she will feel sorry for you. Bad move. Hey, good luck! gss30 rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 04/05/05 - that lovin feeling is it possible to get that vulnerability back when you have lost it? I've been with my bf for 5 years and through years of hurt I've lost that in love feeling/vulnerability. I have to admit he has actually been trying the last 6 months so I just wanted to know if it was possible to get that back after you have lost it because I never have in the past. keenu answered on 04/05/05: Nope, and why in the world do you even want it back? All it does is make you relinquish control. Keep on top, keep your head and start to enjoy things for yourself and not someone else. Anonymous rated this answer purplewings rated this answer

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Anonymous asked on 12/10/04 - MY RESPONSIBILITIES AS A FRIEND I would like your opinions on what the definition of a friend is? I wonder what I should also expect of a friend? Book recommendation on what a healthy relationship/friendship looks like are appreciated Seems like all the people I meet for friends expect too much out of me but do not want to give anything back. I have to drive my vehicle and they never give me any money for gas and expect me to provide free meals to them and do not want to help to clean up or anything. I do have a new male friend who seems to be manipulating me into spending money on him. I am on social security and these people know I do not have much money. keenu answered on 01/26/05: A true friend is one who compliments your existance just by being alive, who receives your love and allows you to express your feelings of friendship to them. That's pretty much it. It doesn't have anything at all to do with doing things for others or not arguing or having fun or anything like that. Just being, and leave it at that.

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Anonymous asked on 01/13/05 - Broken frienship and trying to get back together Hi, I've been friends with this girl for quite some time, and it was quite a close friendship until one day we got into an argument. Actually, the argument sounds really stupid and pathetic because it was just a small matter that could have been easily avoided if it wasn't for me. I got curious one day why she didn't respond to me the whole week so I started to ask her, and then she said I was blaming her and placing all the fault on her. Of course, naturally I'd try to justify myself, which I did, and unpredictably, she got mad at me and started to ignore me ever since. I didn't even try to say any words nor did I have the intention of pissing her off so badly, but I guess she took it that way and I felt so bad, cause I had so many other disasters going on in my life and then this happened. The reason why I got curious was because, yes we did depend on one another a lot and relied on each other too much, because on average, we would send each other approximately 80 messages a day, and then we could chat at night time for about 4 to 5 hrs daily. So, it just seemed kind of weird to me that for one week, I had not even received a single message, which is why my curiousity started. To be honest, I talked to her more than I had talked to my ex-gfs when they were still with me, and she's not even my girlfriend! Well now she says she forgives me, but I feel after a month of ignoring me, she's been a completely different person in the way she treats me now. Nowadays, we only greet one another, like "hi"s and "hello"s and then when I start to talk about something, she would not even bother replying. I really want to have this close friendship back though especially how she says that she has forgiven me, but then she doesn't even care about me anymore. I don't think giving her more time would be smart, because the longer it goes on, the less chance I have ever being friends with her again. Please help me get her back being my close friend again. Thanks, Anonymous keenu answered on 01/26/05: Who are you to need her forgiveness, and who is she to forgive you? You need your own forgiveness, that is the only kind that means anything. Reality is subjective, don't forget. How you perceive a relationship to be and how you react to it is based on how YOU feel about it. How you see it. You can only project your own feelings onto someone else. You create your own reality. Learn why you distanced yourself from your friend. Why did you? Don't blame it on her...you know it is of YOUR doings. Sit back and look at yourself. You are not a victim of her actions. Stand and be true, keenu

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Anonymous asked on 01/13/05 - Demanding Friend Hi, I have this friend who has been sick for a long time now and her recovery has been a long drawn out process. There are a group of us who are friends and we have visited this girl, been supportive, etc, however if we are not calling her morning, noon, and night and visiting her because of other obligations, she starts saying we are forgeting about her and takes offense. Around her birthday we had a birthday party for her in her room in a rehab hospital and she was thrilled. I have also incorporated her into things that made her feel included while she has been sick. She is always surrounded by people and seems to need it all the time or she becomes insecure. Around Christmas, I visited her again and several others with little presents for her to open. I developed bronchitis and had alot of things I had to do around Christmas, visiting family and taking care of getting everything in my home for decorating and entertaining. I explained to her that it was going to be hectic around the holidays for me. With the bronchitis I developed I also didn't want to bring any other sickness to her. Before Christmas I felt fine and was able to call and visit more. I now have the feeling that she is starting with the I don't thinks she cares syndrome. I was exhausted and didn't have a voice from coughing and couldn't really talk on the phone and explained that to her. However, I noticed now she isn't calling, probably because I wasn't calling everyday and providing her with constant attention. I feel exhausted by this friend. It seems that if we are good to her one week, she is happy for a time, and then it's back to, "They musn't care routine", if she doesn't hear from someone constantly. I am really starting to resent this. It doesn't matter what I do, I feel that it is never enough for this friend, she soon forgets what people do for her. It is impossible for me to give her round the clock attention, I have a family, extended family, and kids who also need my time. I really now feel resentful. I was very sick myself and needed to rest. I developed a throat infection on top of the bronchitis. What's going on with this person? Thanks. keenu answered on 01/26/05: You are not helping this person by catering to her every whim. She is expecting others to "heal" her but she has to do this on her own. Sure, this may sound cold hearted but she has to realize that she alone is responsible for her illness and she alone is responsible for healing herself. She is certainly in a co-dependent place, having to depend on others to take care of her in the hospital. The sooner she gets out of there and gets on her own, by herself, the better she will get. You got caught up in your need to give and that was fine but you reached your threshold and had to stop. That is ok, too. Don't forget, you alone are responsible for YOUR situation and what happens in your life. Stand and be true, keenu Anonymous rated this answer

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_JacquelineA asked on 07/23/04 - too shy I feel shy alot around my boyfriend. I feel nervous to talk alot, walk around him, having him watch me eat, etc. What can I do to stop this? It's beginning to really bother me to not be able to feel relaxed and at ease around him. He's so attractive and looks better than all the other guys I have ever been in a relationship with. That's the main reason why I feel so shy. We've been together for about two months now. His family is also having a reunion soon and he invited me. What can I do to stay calm, especially at this event? keenu answered on 07/29/04: Have you ever thought that he may feel the same way? He may think that you are better than all the other girls he's dated. After all, he is with you now, right? The best advice I can give to you is to realize that how you perceive yourself and this relationship is how it will be. If you perceive that he is better then you agree that you are inferior. Nonsense. Don't live your life in fear of what others will think! Have the courage to be yourself and know that you are perfectly YOU. Your boyfriend, unless he is a jerk and treats you as if you were inferior, probably just feels exactly like you do and there is no reason to feel embarrassed around him. You just do yourself injustice. Talk to him, tell him you feel shy...he may try to help you feel more comfortable...and if he doesn't and it doesn't work out, then what the heck? If you always do what you feel is right for you, you cannot lose in the end. You will be true to yourself. Stand and be true, keenu katiy rated this answer _JacquelineA rated this answer